Saturday, October 13, 2007
Bought a used bicycle, as if I had the leisure to ride sedately to the grocery store, waving at neighbors and hoping for good prices on the makings of an autumn soup. As if I could hang around yard sales or appreciate gardens. As if I weren't compelled to show up at the same office at 8:30 am every weekday and stay there until 5 pm.
I am not as counter-culture as I used to be. Not conscientiously green; not an advocate of social experimentation. Long ago, I used to take public transportation and live in communes. Now I'm married, drive a car everywhere, and live in a small house that we own, but there seems to be no time to take care of the house anymore. Despite finishing my thesis (which was supposed to give me more time), I still can't keep up with the messes and the lack of organization in my own home. My new boss is excited about doing exactly those things in the workplace. Old files are being thrown out; old gadgets and chairs are being surplussed (put in a metal building on campus where some low-life company may eventually bid on them as landfill). My limited energy for optimizing my immediate environment is thus being sucked away, and I become slightly depressed on weekends. This leads to focusing on a rental movie or a series of pointless clarinet notes, or even the dreaded SLEEPING LATE, instead of the housework that I KNOW my boss is doing in her lovely home, in addition to bringing up her children and preparing for her classes, and her meetings with important people.
I need to believe that this is because she isn't "deep" or "questioning" like I am. Except for questioning how she wound up in charge of someone like me.
Posted by Marylyn