Sunday, January 28, 2007

Living, not writing


It's not working. Life is taking over. I'm helpless to resist. Long ago, I wrote, "Why must it be either live or write? This question keeps me up at night." I'm now getting plenty of sleep, as if it's been decided for me. Does this mean I'm a failure? Ah, but the time's not up yet. I still have weeks and weeks. Sort of. It feels as if time's going too fast, though, and that a huge paper is not a contribution to my well-being or the world. No, I'm not being lazy. I do plenty. But I just can't focus. I have produced approximately twenty-five rather dull pages on my topic. It required staying in my pajamas and not doing ANYTHING else those days. But really, I just want to be a person and enjoy my friends. Have coffee, talk. Write personal poetry. Any suggestions? Does a master's degree matter at my age? Haven't I proved ENOUGH just by surviving and thriving?

5 comments:

lynn said...

No, a master's degree does not matter at your age. Nor at any age. A Ph.D. doens't matter either. Any goof can get one of those.
But you should write this darn thesis anyway, because you have something to say about Jane.
And don't you even worry about what those silly professors are going to think. Say what you need to say and let them deal with their own issues.
Just think: when it's done, you can blogblogblogblogblog all you like.
Won't that be heavenly!

Marylyn said...

Why do I so admire the many "goofs" with Ph.Ds, then? Because they were helplessly obssessed when young, and managed to stay on track? While I simply wandered? Who "learned" more? But it's not a contest anyway, I guess.

Anonymous said...

I think it matters. You have to prove that you can follow through to the actual end.

B.

Anonymous said...

unfortunately, masters and phds are not like assholes...I think of them more like an std that won't go away...like herpes or HIV...once you get it...you belong to a group of people for life...age doesn't matter...if you want to belong...then write...and belong...I spent a bunch of years fighting it...but I joined up anyway...you will too...the power of belonging compels you...
L

G. said...

I think your Good and Bad Procrastination link said it pretty well - so did Joseph Campbell, "if you do follow your bliss you put yourself on a kind of track that has been there all the while, waiting for you, and the life that you ought to be living is the one you are living. When you can see that, you begin to meet people who are in your field of bliss, and they open doors to you. I say, follow your bliss and don't be afraid, and doors will open where you didn't know they were going to be." @ http://www.jcf.org/bliss.php
Whatever you do, Marylyn, will be creative and productive just because you are. However you express your insights will be a contribution to the world simply because you have a unique, engaging, and musical personal language - and an alarming honesty in pursuing the burning and personal questions about being human.