Friday, May 15, 2009
Unfortunately, this recession/depression comes just when I feel like pulling back--not putting as much effort into my work. I understand the game is to make oneself indispensable, and that can be done either by doing more work than anyone else for the employer's bucks; or by controlling information (keeping certain procedures secret or confusing so that one is the ONLY person who can do a number of necessary things). The trouble is, it's all so boring--other people's priorities. I, personally, have ideas for poems, performances, outings, long letters to old friends and relatives, do-gooder activities. I claim no great MEANING for these things, but they are important to me, and they spring naturally from me. But none of these can be implemented right now due to time constraints and exhaustion. Other people (my boss and her boss) confuse their own career-related projects with genuinely humanity-helping efforts, and pull me in to assist them. This is NOT what I want. I have done this for years, and I'm sick of it. I want to promote my own views for a change. These views are not going to save anything or anyone, but at least I'd have them "out there," wherever "there" is, and it's possible I might amuse a few souls. Having to (essentially) grovel to make a living is really getting to me. But I WON'T take it out on my few students, come Fall. The classroom is where, maybe, I can get my point of view across. Please don't make me ponder whether or not my "viewpoint" is useful to these students. I'm transferring it anyway...it's my last chance.
Posted by Marylyn